‘Gutfeld!’ on Biden’s divisiveness πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on January 13, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.



KAMALA HARRIS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: You can Google it or go into any search engine and find out where free testing and the free testing site is available. If you want to figure out how to get across town to some restaurant you heard is great you usually do Google.


GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: (INAUDIBLE) and I don’t care what you people say online. All right. Happy Thursday, everyone. And what a glorious Thursday it is. But sadly not for our dear friend, the President. According to the latest poll Biden’s less popular than an anchovy with a yeast infection. Only 33 percent of adults approve of Biden’s job performance which is a record low. And after answering the poll those 33 percent were rushed back to the mental health facility where the pollsters had found them.

But his approval is like his body temperature, barely above freezing. It’s dropped three points since November. And it beats former President Trump’s worst approval rating by one point. Well, at least he can finally say he’s better than Trump at something. But it is an amazing comparison. Consider the kind of press that Trump got was a relentless drumbeat of hysterical hate. And yet, Joe, who has none of that from the press is rated worse than Trump.

How can that be? How is it that a genial old man coddled by every media entity on Earth is now less popular than the monster? The media deemed worse than Hitler? Stalin and Maroon Five combined? Yes, it’s an amazing feat, but not when you see how bad it’s really gotten.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: — message for vaccinated Americans who are wondering why did you continue to restrict their activities given your health officials say most Americans will get COVID at some point?

BIDEN: Folks, we’ll talk about that later.


GIBBS: There he go. Oh. He’s praying for it all to end. Well, that’s about as reassuring as an Uber driver with whiskey on his breath. Remember, Americans were sold Joe, his political Xanax, after the crystal meth of Donald Trump. Joe was supposed to be beloved popular or leave from Captain Evil. But even treated with kid gloves we can’t stand him, even with the facelift and the hair transplant you can’t make him look good.

Why is that? I mean, other than the fact he’s a demented old circus monkey? Well, let’s ask the President why his numbers are so low.


TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Look, look, look, people used to like me, right? I used to shake hands on the Amtrak. I’d get in close and squeeze the Sharman. That’s what worked. Now I got to do what they say. And they told me spend a year in the basement. Keep your mouth shut when you come out, you’ll be president. It worked. So, I got to do what they say. They won’t even let me smell people’s heads anymore. I think Jen Psaki’s hair smells like cinnamon, but I’ll never know.


GUTFELD: That’s the real tragedy. So the reasons for Joe tanking in the polls are obvious, whenever crap is bad, which is a lot under the Dems. They don’t address it, they can’t address it. Instead, they pivot. It’s why Jen Psaki is always circling back. As COVID in crime and inflation continued Joe scampered into the world of voting rights looking for cover. And because they become so invested in identity politics and wokeism, they don’t know how to solve actual problems anymore.

It’s just pronouns instead of policy. They become so good at racial theatrics, but they bomb when it comes to helping out the average American voter. Meanwhile, Joe embraced rhetoric that was about as unifying as Alec Baldwin showing up on the set of a new Western. Well, unified America against him, I suppose. Hell, even his allies admit he went too far.


SEN. DICK DURBIN (D-IL): Perhaps the President went a little too far in his rhetoric, but fundamental principles and values at stake are very, very similar.

REV. AL SHARPTON AMERICAN, CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST: If he was trying to get votes, it was not the vote getting speech. I think he gave you gone to hell speech.


GUTFELD: Yes. It was a you going to hell speech and not even in a hand basket. Fact is, well, America struggles with serious stuff. Joe labeled half of Americans once again is bigots, racists monsters. Thanks for the support, Joe. And he wonders why he has a son who used to mistake Parmesan cheese on the rug for crack. Maybe Joe is just the A-hole the left tried to tell you Trump was.

He played the whose side are you on stick until even his own side doesn’t want to be on his side anymore. Pretty soon no one will be left to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer. I mean, when you lose Al Sharpton and Dick Durbin you are on (BLEEP) Island. And no one wants to get near you. The only way off is to swim right through it. So Joe was calling everyone racist. This from a man who went to the funeral of a KKK leader.

His own V.P. implied he was racist during the debates. That’s what the Democrats have become. A bunch of people calling everyone else racist, including each other. Too bad they can’t tell you why you’re racist, just like critical race theory. You just are. But really Joe, whose voting rights are Americans denying? They keep saying it’s Jim Crow on steroids. But they can’t find any victims with giant foreheads and back acne.

There’s no evidence that Republicans have tried to stop illegal voter from voting. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite. I mean, how did Georgia, a red state that has a large black population flip blue in the last election? It sure wasn’t because Republicans kept black people from the ballot box. They can’t even name one person kept from voting. Is it a convicted murderer who doesn’t have a picture I.D.? I don’t know.

But then say so. We need clarity of who we’re discriminating against for God’s sake. And yet the media plays along.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: President Biden’s fight to protect voting rights in this country.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: President Biden has to win hearts and minds on Capitol Hill when he visits tomorrow to push voting rights legislation.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: The President was pushing for the Senate to change its filibuster rules to pass voting rights legislation.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right now there’s little hope any Republican in the Senate will vote in favor of any voting rights battle.


GUTFELD: I call them tools. But that implies usefulness because even as they support the President, his numbers still tank and there’s right along with his. And that’s because no one likes to be demonized. Well, I do but that’s on roleplaying nights. You know how hard it is to find red latex? An extra small, but Joe keeps smearing decent people who are just minding their own business.

They aren’t hindering the rights of others when it comes to voting. They’re just trying to get along in tough times. It’s kind of amazing. We’re going through all of this, and Joe’s still out in front calling your names while wondering why everyone keeps calling him Brandon. I mean, we have a president who ran on unified but now all he does is yell at you. Even though everything he accuses you of like supporting bigots, he actually did himself.

So no wonder his numbers continue to slide like a rectal thermometer dipped in motor oil. Yes. I know. At this pace, he may get his own show on CNN.


GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She went from President of now to independent Wow. Fox News Contributor, Tammy Bruce. He’s running for New York Governor harder than the women who ran from our last governor. Congressman and Republican candidate for New York Governor Lee Zeldin. Yes. He must have left his tiger in the green room. What’s up, Zigfried? Yes, his wardrobe can induce seizures. “FOX ACROSS AMERICA” host Jimmy Failla.

And she’s like a kitchen sponge. Small, abrasive and far more disgusting than most people realize. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. Yes, look like your mug David Blaine this time. Can I give you a little house magic during the break?

JIMMY FAILLA, HOST, FOX ACROSS AMERICA: Listen, I love that you’re bagging on my clothes. You’re wearing Velcro shoes. Do they light up when you walk?

GUTFELD: Velcro shoes are the greatest thing when you’re in a hurry. Come on in. And shoelaces in stylish shoes. Shoelaces always come loose. Do you ever notice that?

FAILLA: Oh, that isn’t it?

GUTFELD: That — it’s like that’s you have one job shoelace, you have one job shoelace and you remain untied.

FAILLA: It drives me crazy.

GUTFELD: Its absolutely nuts. I think it’s the fault of big shoelace. Anyway, no, as a bigot and a racist, Jimmy, do you get a — do you get offended?

FAILLA: By the way, did you notice how I didn’t push back?

GUTFELD: But do you think — you must get infected — that, you know, Biden labels people that so easily when you really have to work hard to be a bigot in a real —


FAILLA: No. Your time was you had to get out there and your taxi and refuse certain fares.


FAILLA: You just, you know, get it now for, you know, not supporting a garbage voter rights bill. Shame on him.


FAILLA: And of course, it’s divisive and disgusting and inaccurate. But what’s really like so disqualifying about it is how stupid it is. And what I mean by how stupid it is, is I mean the strategic gambit of this. The Georgia Bulldogs on Monday night win their first national title in 40 years. 40 years. OK? Their football?


FAILLA: They’re in the middle of the biggest keg party America has ever seen.


FAILLA: Somebody was like, I’ve got it. We’ll fly down an old man to plug in his teleprompter and call everyone racist. They look great. And everybody’s like, who the hell let this angry grandpa into the room.

GUTFELD: Right. That’s true.

FAILLA: And it drives people crazy for two reasons. Obviously, the timing of the execution is bad. But what, Georgia has more early voting than Delaware does. OK? Then most blue states do and it’s something even Jake Tapper called out on CNN. He said, oh, by the way, how come they never call out the blue states with restrictive voting rights?


FAILLA: And to be clear, Georgia has no restriction voting rights.


FAILLA: There is no case of somebody not being allowed to vote. Although at this point the only thing they’re voting on is like what bar to hit next because they don’t care. But the reason we’re hearing these stories now, about Hillary Clinton potentially running in 2024, one is because she’s probably paying Doug Schoen to write the article. But two, stick with me.

GUTFELD: I agree.

FAILLA: I mean, she wants it in the news. But two, it’s because we have already entered Garbage Time in this presidency. You know, like in a football game, sometimes a team goes up 31 nothing in the first quarter. And the announcers are like, what are we going to talk about now? Well, we’re in that moment in a presidency where the announcers are like, I guess we’ll talk about Hillary, I don’t know.

And some people like, oh, no, it’s because she’s younger than Biden. So as Moses, that’s not why we’re talking about. We’re talking about him because he sucks.

GUTFELD: All right. You’re returning to your era as a cab driver. You won’t shut up.

FAILLA: Thank you.

GUTFELD: This gets me to 31st and third.

FAILLA: Hold on, hold on. Let me get the kid seat out of the back.


FAILLA: I love you.

GUTFELD: Yes. Tammy?


GUTFELD: OK. His polling numbers, I didn’t — I always — I always thought that he would be kind of likable, right? When we do — when are we supposed to think that he will? He’s not going to be like Trump, he’s not going to be divisive. He is more divisive than Trump. It’s amazing.

BRUCE: Well, I think when people look back now Trump is a comedian.


BRUCE: You realized his sense of humor. And you needed the perspective, right? The juxtaposition of this guy who is generally screaming all the time, get off my lawn.


BRUCE: He comes out, he says, get off my lawn. And when he was in the basement, we could project onto him.


BRUCE: He couldn’t be what we all imagined, like our grandpa’s or the old guy that you like. And now he sits there. And like that clip you had, he doesn’t just sit there and look confused. He smirks at you.


BRUCE: Like he knows the secret. And he thinks you’re dumb.


BRUCE: And he’s the problem.


BRUCE: So that’s where Americans are looking like, you know, this isn’t even like theoretical arguments or about immigration, even though it is. It’s real life events that we see now every day. Like, we can’t fill up the gas tank because it’s too expensive. Or it’s like, do I buy my kids or my husband a steak or do I fill up the tank?

GUTFELD: Buy the steak.

BRUCE: Yes. I mean, you have — you can’t avoid it every day. And here’s this guy sitting there like we’re the problem and like he knows everything and then he smirking at people. And it — the American people, they don’t like bullies. They don’t like a people who look down on you. We love the underdogs which this shows doing so well. People love the underdog, right? I mean, so —


GUTFELD: — because I’m good looking.

BRUCE: Well, there you go. And you — and you have a good time. And you — people might disagree with you sometimes. But you’re not talking down to people who —


GUTFELD: — to anybody.

BRUCE: There you go.

GUTFELD: You know, because I’m short. OK? Just to make that clear. Congressman, it is kind of interesting. I just — like the fact that — like imagine if he had that same level of media criticism, what — he wouldn’t even be president anymore.

REP. LEE ZELDIN (R-NY): His approval rating would be running neck and neck with COVID itself and inflation.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, it’s true.

ZELDIN: Now, we should not be shocked by these poll numbers that we’re seeing with it. There’s a lot of crises from Afghanistan, southern border and spending, inflation, the supply chain crises. So we’re not surprised by this. But this is how bad it’s gotten. Ron Klain, the White House Chief of Staff just tweeted out in the approval poll where the disapproval was higher, he was underwater.


ZELDIN: It’s gotten so bad inside the White House that they’re pushing out bad polls, like saying, no, no, I know it’s bad. But it’s not that bad. Things are not going well right now in this country. And it is important for us to have competency. But I think what’s actually frustrating a lot of Americans is worse than in competency is when you see policies where you know exactly what you’re doing wrong and you do it anyway.


ZELDIN: And the southern border. That’s not a competency. They know what they’re doing wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes. And they do — they — because they can’t be seen to agree with the people that they are already demonizing, right? Because the people that know how to fix the border are the same people that they’re calling deplorables or racist or Kat Timps? Yes.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Nobody calls that. I think I kind of can relate to the mistake that he’s making. Actually, I think everybody can. I think what he’s doing is he’s trying so desperately to be liked by people that are never going to like him anyway.


TIMPF: Like the super progressives they’re never going to like, you know, the KKK eulogy guy. You’re never going to like the 1994 crime bill guy, but he tried to give a speech that only those people would like.


TIMPF: And then — and, you know, at the same time, he’s turning away people that might be into him. You want to (INAUDIBLE) but that’s how he wind up with 33 percent approval rating. He’s trying focusing so hard. It’s never going to work anyway. And he’s just further dividing at people and he’s making people not like him even more. He’s just creating new problems, which I think we have enough problems already.

GUTFELD: Yes, he’s like he’s on a date but he’s checking out the girl at the other table who doesn’t want to have anything to do with them.


GUTFELD: That’s exactly. Up next, viewers tell CNN’s Jeff Zucker see you later, sucker.


GUTFELD: Viewership craters at news networks run by haters. Yes. CNN’s numbers head down the drain while Joy Reid struggles to use her brain. First, their scandal plague CNN which has shed as much as 90 percent of its 2021 viewership. Now their entire viewership can fit in the shed. On the bright side, that’s only nine people. So there’s a bit of room. And it’s also not surprising that CNN is losing younger people when they keep getting hit on by CNN producers.

Little pedophilia joke there. But there’s nothing funny about pedophilia. We’ll be right back. In the first week of 2022, the network — the network saw a staggering decline in viewership compared to the same week last year. They pulled in over 2-1/2 million viewers last January now it’s barely over a half a million. Fox gets that many viewers when Kilmeade has a bunion removed.

Yes. But it’s no surprise with all the scandals from Chris Cuomo to actual child sex crimes. Meanwhile, over at MSNBC, they’ve also dropped tons of viewers compared to the same last week last year, they lost two-thirds of their overall audience and 80 percent among the key demo. But maybe it has something to do with the stuff Joy Reid has been spewing nightly.


JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: People who are willfully unvaccinated, fine, don’t get vaccinated, but they need to start to pay a little bit more of the cost of what this is doing to our system. There are fines that are — that are levied in places like Germany. They’ve ended quarantine pay for those without vaccinations. IKEA, the company is slashing sick pay for unvaccinated U.K. workers.

At some point don’t we have to make people who are saying I’m willing to take the risk to be unvaccinated, take the risk for me and take the risk for everyone I come in contact with. Shouldn’t they have to pay more into the system because they are collapsing our health system?


GUTFELD: Begging for wage discrimination? That’s so offensive. Joy will probably claim her T.V. show was hacked. But maybe we should pay stupid people less as well. By the end of the year, Joy should have enough money to buy a tic tac or CNN. Oh, so Lee, it’s kind of like the — when we’re talking about Joe Biden, when you look at this 90 percent drop of CNN, it does make sense when you create a business that constantly craps on the customers.

You’re going to lose customers. CNN is almost like a mirror decline of Biden or vice versa maybe.

ZELDIN: They are dumbing down their audience. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tuned in. I remember when we had Lieutenant Colonel Alex Vindman come testify in front of the impeachment closed-door deposition. That night I put on Don Lemon. If you were watching that show from about 10:00 to 10:07, you were dumber than if you tune it in — when you first turn that on. And I mean, I think that it’s a real disservice to the person who has a busy life.

They get home from a, you know, a day they want to get caught up on the news. And you start to realize over the course of time that they are going to dumb you down. Now, I mean, what it feels like right now with CNN is that it’s kind of like that sports team fishes dead last and at the end of the season you need to fire the G.M., the manager and all the players.


ZELDIN: The MSNBC situation they get some better ratings.


ZELDIN: It kind of feels like the team that can never quite win.


ZELDIN: And they need to make some big changes. And one of that big — those big changes would be firing Joy Reid.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. I mean, that’s the scuttlebutt according to Scuttlebutt Magazine, Kat. Publication I just invented, but that she might be on her way up. Do you have any advice for CNN? A good feeling like the direction for them should be like a revamped VH1 where they do nothing but specials on nostalgia? And like, oh, we love the 80s.

TIMPF: Bad Girls Club?

GUTFELD: Yes. I mean, like the 1880s.


TIMPF: Yes, it’s crazy. Like the only thing crazier than the amount of viewership that they’ve lost in one year is losing that much and then also not changing anything.



BRUCE: Right, right, right.

TIMPF: It’s still — they’re not — it’s the same. It’s the exact same. You look at that, anyone would be like, listen, we got — we got it. Or they just go in for like, 100 percent loss because it’s — the people getting home and they just tell you you’re stupid. And they tell you you’re a bad person. And nobody turns on the TV for that. That’s why I turn on the T.V. to drown that out in my head.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Exactly. If you want — yes. If you’re — I mean, you’d have to be a masochist to actually watch CNN because that’s all they do. Tammy, you know, people know that I’m a loving charitable person.

BRUCE: Yes. Absolutely.

GUTFELD: And that I only want to help people.


GUTFELD: Can we come to a solution that could help CNN out of their horrible, horrible crisis? The harassment claims, the pedophilia, the relentless pattern of hoaxes? Can we help them?

BRUCE: We can help them by really helping them disappear?


BRUCE: They’ve got — they’ve got to morph into something else and people have to go. We know Chris Cuomo is gone. I’ve noticed though Chris — people like — the Cuomos in general have played a service for everyone about what not to become.


BRUCE: So you’re watching that, that’s at least you can make decisions about who not to emulate. And also how bad it can be that you like, look up at people who happen to be on T.V. just because they’re on T.V. except for you. Of course, you’re the perfect example of, you know, the perfection of it all.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

BRUCE: Except, however — you’re welcome.

TIMPF: Come on.


BRUCE: There you got —

TIMPF: You don’t have to do that.

BRUCE: There you got — I know (INAUDIBLE) here you’ve got though —

GUTFELD: I’ll take it.

BRUCE: A perfect example, especially with Anthony Fauci. I’ll just give you the one example. I was wondering who is he reminding me of? Who is he reminding me of? It’s a weird hybrid combination of Michael Avenatti and Andrew and Chris Cuomo. It’s like — so, it’s a reminder that you can look at these people, they have money and they’re famous, but they might not be good. They might not be good people.

So what we can do to help them is reminding them that there are alternatives in life, you can do something else for a living, you can decide to have, you know, CNN be a different kind of network. It’s like that network that became Chip and Joanna Gaines, like DIY became Magnolia, and it’s different. And maybe that’s the (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: You know what you just made — right to me, Jimmy that like what – – remember headline news and now it’s not a —

FAILLA: There’s no headline news in it.


GUTFELD: It’s all Forensic Files, right?


TIMPF: Way better.

GUTFELD: It’s still — yes, it is way better.


BRUCE: — exactly but totally better.

GUTFELD: They haven’t changed the name. They still call it headline news. Soon CNN changed their name.

FAILLA: Oh, to something more respected like the Ghislaine Maxwell Channel.


FAILLA: They’re terrible. Headline news by the way, if you remember, Joy Behar had a show on there.


FAILLA: Every time there was a commercial it was a Jack Kevorkian commercial. It’s like young people call him now. You can’t take it anymore. They’re in a bad spot because — they’re in a bad spot because those ratings are low and that’s with all the flight cancellations going on. Most of their ratings or people stuck in airport bars or you guys trashing them on the fly.


FAILLA: — start taking off those ratings are in the toilet.


FAILLA: Really quick about Joy Reid, OK? Who is an idiot.


FAILLA: Like I could not spell shameless race baiting buffoon if you spotted her the J, the O, the Y, the R, the E, the I and the D. She’s a loser. OK? When she trashes the unvaccinated don’t ever forget that she came at Nicki Minaj and got gunned down because Nicki Minaj was brought back Joy’s tweets.


FAILLA: On September 17th of 2020 saying who is ever going to trust a vaccine approved by the FDA advised to them by the CDC. I was – it turns out you, you shameless transactional idiot.


FAILLA: I can’t wait until she’s gone. Oh, the addition by subtraction.

GUTFELD: Ah, I don’t know though. I can’t wait to see who they replaced her with.

FAILLA: That’s going to be awesome.

BRUCE: Ghislaine Maxwell like you said.


BRUCE: You might be getting out on some bail with what’s going on there. You never know.


FAILLA: This woman never stops getting off.


FAILLA: Hey, get off, everybody.

GUTFELD: Ladies and gentlemen. All right. Up next. After a light sentence for setting a fire an arsonist preaches to the choir.


GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: A criminal disagrees with the deal that set him free, because if your first arsons a bust, Baltimore’s D.A. says This one’s on us. But even as the crime way enlarges, now criminals say we should drop charges. Convicted arsonist Luther Trent pleaded guilty to torching his ex-girlfriend’s Baltimore townhome last year, initially faced several counts including three attempted murder charges.

But a plea deal sprung him free after serving less than six months behind bars. They must really dislike their girlfriends in Baltimore. Six months I’ve had burning sensations that lasted longer.

Do (INAUDIBLE) I don’t know if I broke that. But anyway, now he’s out on probation, and even he is saying he shouldn’t be walking the streets.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was just charged with 18 different counts. That was dropped to 10, and then it was dropped the one when I shouldn’t be out right now. That tells anybody that, oh, I can go shoot somebody or I could go attempt to shoot somebody and I’ll be completely fine.


GUTFELD: That is amazing. So, criminal admits the sense he got could someday cause himself to get shot and criticizes the legal system that helped him avoid a lengthy jail sentence. So, how did this happen in the first place? Well, Marilyn Mosby the Baltimore State’s Attorney behind this cockamamie — yes, I said cockamamie, plea deal defends your decision citing the guy’s lack of a criminal record in sentencing guidelines. In other words, your first three attempted murders are free.

So, another progressive D.A. letting criminals out. Too bad, we can’t swap Luther for Mosby, at least he understands criminals need to be punished. Meanwhile, if you live in Baltimore, your first arson is on the house, smoke them if you got them. And in an ironic twist of fate, that same Marilyn Mosby was federally indicted just hours ago for allegedly lying on a mortgage loan application.

Kat, is this, is there another story here? Is this, was this just a passionate, a crime of passion?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: It probably was really passionate. I mean, you don’t try to sit at someone’s house on fire if there’s like —

GUTFELD: And kill — try to kill everybody.

TIMPF: Right, I know. I’m just saying, you don’t do that for someone that you’re just kind of meh with.

GUTFELD: This is my point about hate crimes. Love crimes, worse than hate crime.

TIMPF: Absolutely. Absolutely. No, like this sex was awesome, I’m sure. But it’s not OK, you don’t try to kill somebody no matter how good the sex is. You don’t try to kill them.

GUTFELD: Well, you are a moralist.

TIMPF: Yes, I am, I am very — but it’s also like, he was facing attempted murder, and it’s just crazy that they dropped that. He’s also in the interview, he said yes, I was attempting to murder her.


TIMPF: He said, like, I was just kind of like if I can’t have her no one can. He’s like, so yes, I was trying to kill her, she just didn’t die. And now, he’s out on the street. So, you know, I’m against it.


TIMPF: What he did was bad.

GUTFELD: All right, Jimmy, I mentioned this earlier on “THE FIVE,” could it be that he’s mad he doesn’t have a place to live now? Because he burned down the house any he — he thought maybe he was going to be in prison for at least 10 years.

JIMMY FAILLA, COMEDIAN: I think your point is proven by him lying on a mortgage application.

GUTFELD: You know, that’s the Mosby —

FAILLA: Yes, yes — oh, that’s the other guy OK.

GUTFELD: No, it’s the girl to prosecute her.

FAILLA: Oh, that’s insane.

GUTFELD: Attention Jimmy.

FAILLA: I didn’t follow that.

GUTFELD: Pay attention, Jimmy.

FAILLA: Well, listen, I didn’t — who among us hasn’t lied on a mortgage application, hold on?

TIMPF: Not me, I don’t have a house.

GUTFELD: And if you did, I burned it down.

FAILLA: I mean, oddly enough, it’s like you really don’t hear a lot of these arson stories anymore because the price of gas is too high to burn down somebody’s house. So, if you’re getting your house burned down at $4.19 a gallon that guy loves you, but she should take that guy back.

GUTFELD: That’s like a ring from Kaye’s Jewelers.

FAILLA: You know the instant like he went to Jared, he went to Exxon. Oh no, you love your girl. Stop. Stop girl. It’s crazy.

GUTFELD: Tammy, there are so many parts of this story that are insane. For once, I mean the, just bluntness of the criminal talking about it, but then you have the prosecutor who’s probably going to go to jail trying to use COVID funds she bought tried to buy two houses or something, right, on and lied and tried to get these loans.

TAMMY BRUCE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, perhaps some of this is because they all know that eventually they’re going to get caught at what they’re doing. And if they have these standards where you don’t go to jail, maybe she won’t either. At the same time, this guy might have a problem with the with the idea that he’s not unique, that now he is just kind of like everyone else, where he said, well, this is going to give the impression, you could just go and do whatever you want.


BRUCE: Because he thought that maybe that was something he could do, but nobody else can do it. But now it’s like everyone can.

GUTFELD: That’s true.

BRUCE: So, that’s — that may be part of the problem, but when you’ve got the very bad guys who know that they’re bad, they know this is awful, they know they should be punished. And the leadership is saying no, you just go ahead and go on. Part of it could be trying to set a standard that there is no crime and that’s really good for politicians because we know they have their problem.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Lee, I had another theory that maybe, maybe the criminal realize if society is destroyed, then you can’t — it’s like the parasite loses the host. So, you got to have some laws.

REP. LEE ZELDIN (R-NY): Right? So, in New York State, we have a cashless bail law. There was someone who was released on an arson they were then re- arrested for a double manslaughter.


ZELDIN: We have all these cashless bail stories. The new district attorney in Manhattan says he’s not going to prosecute all different kinds of crimes, including, by the way, downgrading an armed robbery to petty larceny.


ZELDIN: This guy tried to burn, and burned his ex-girlfriend’s house down. You’re supposed to get into a lot of trouble for that.

Kat, how different your life would have been if every broken —

TIMPF: If someone burned my house down? I don’t have a house.

ZELDIN: If every broken heart — every broken heart ended up torching your house and then getting away with it.


ZELDIN: I mean, yikes!

FAILLA: Well, if that many people are burning down her house, you got to start questioning her character. You know what I’m saying?

GUTFELD: Blame the victim. That’s what we’re doing these days.

TIMPF: No, you should, you should question my character.

GUTFELD: God, it’s amazing. It is absolutely amazing. All right, coming up, senior citizens misunderstood a plate of delicious baked goods.


GUTFELD: They ingested some edibles and it made their prunes taste incredible. It’s a story of a card play in Mama, in brownies made with marijuana. Yes, they wanted some sugar and fat and ended up higher than Kat. Police in South Dakota were called to a local community center after a group of senior citizens accidentally ate pot brownies. And I guarantee that call came from a landline.

According to reports, the seniors were enjoying a game of cards when one woman shared what she thought were ordinary homemade brownies prepared by her son. Then they really started enjoying that game of cards. Good thing they didn’t play strip poker. Naked seniors look like they’re wearing corduroy — an agist might say.

Authorities arrived on the scene to find everyone under the influence and this time it wasn’t the influence of relief factor. Turns out, the brownies weren’t the only thing that got baked that day. There was such an uproar, dinner had to be moved back to 4:30. Police arrested the woman’s adult son who said he had made the brownies the day before using a half pound of THC laced butter.

Well, that’s more than I used to lubricate my wetsuit. The 73-year-old mom then inadvertently took them to her card game, yes inadvertently. Yes, she gave those seniors the munchies. Now, she’s selling cottage cheese for eight bucks a bowl. That’s what they eat. Tammy? Tammy, you’re an expert on this, aren’t you, edibles?

BRUCE: I’m not. I did, I tried to marijuana.

GUTFELD: You tried the marijuana?

BRUCE: Tried the marijuana. And it made me want to, it made me dumb and not thinking and it made me want to eat Twinkies all day long, and that’s also not a good look. But I did date a man, when I was in my late 20s, who was known as the chef.


BRUCE: In Los Angeles. And he, he did the edible stuff, and he was like, you know, was the beginning — he began the entire craze. And he had, he had labels of himself in a chef’s hat.


BRUCE: And for some I get he was high a lot of the time, I think he didn’t realize that when the police you know, they then had a picture of them.


BRUCE: They had, they had the label and the chef was and he eventually, he eventually was arrested. But yes, it was, it was not my, my deal that —

TIMPF: Is he OK now?

GUTFELD: Yes, he’s an arsonist.

BRUCE: I have no idea. I’m sure, I’m sure he’s the head of some company — yes, he was an entrepreneur.

FAILLA: Are we just going to aside the fact that Tammy Bruce was in season two of Narcos? Roll on is it —

GUTFELD: How great was these police call though for the cops? I mean, it’s like that must have been the funny stall they’ve ever been to, Jimmy, they show up. It’s like all, it’s like, it’s like the Golden Girls meets, you know, that past the hair. I don’t know.

FAILLA: Hello, Officer, my grandma’s listening the Dark Side of the Moon right now. Like, I want to know how they knew they were stoned when they drove away.


FAILLA: Like, as a long-time cab driver, spend a lot of time on the road, most people that are 80 years old are already doing four miles an hour with a blinker on the whole time. So, how — what was the tell you know but I think that the more the kid is not, I don’t think the criminal here, because the kid made the brownies, the kid and bring him in. In some capacity, it’s the mom right but when no one’s actually talking about is whether they enjoyed it. We didn’t hear hospitalizations; we didn’t hear panic attack. To your point, it’s the best game of their life.


TIMPF: I thought I agreed with you at first.


TIMPF: Because right because the mom stole the brownies. She stole them from the kitchen, didn’t even ask. So, it’s like totally her fault. And, you know, that this guy didn’t do anything wrong. And like who knows? But then I found out that this guy is a high school choir director. All of them should be incarcerated.

GUTFELD: Oh, high school choir.

TIMPF: You ever met a high school choir director that’s even tolerable to be around.

GUTFELD: I hated our high school choir. He was awful.

TIMPF: They are all — of course, because he’s a high school director.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know I couldn’t stand him so much that I Googled his name and I still can’t find anything about him. And I’m not going to say his name on the air. There, Joe. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, we have to remind ourselves that if you were 20 in 1964, right now, you’d be 77. So, it could be that these people understand pot, right? Because they were in the 60s in the 70s, right?

ZELDIN: Here’s, I mean here’s a totally different take that we have to consider here. Yes, I was taking the train into the city today. And I was reading this new study that came out that says that cannabis compounds actually helps, possibly, to prevent COVID.


ZELDIN: So, maybe this kid is like a modern-day Robin Hood in South Dakota. And he was helping these seniors fight COVID. We have to consider all of the possible theories here as well. You know, possibly, maybe the scientists were a little high when they were coming out with this study that they had. But if this is true —


ZELDIN: Because there’s so much controversy and friction in this country is where we’re talking about mask mandates and vaccine mandates. If you had a universal pot mandate to cure COVID, I think that this would bring everybody together in this country in a very unifying way with a lot of harmony.

GUTFELD: I like that solution. The one thing I don’t like about is I never understood pot brownies. Like do you really need to save time by combining the drug that causes munchies with a solution for munchies?

FAILLA: Well, that’s what I was just going to say.


FAILLA: Under this plan, we’ve gone from 15 days to flatten the curve to 15 seconds to flatten the bag of Doritos.


FAILLA: It would catch on, I actually think would work. I think I stick with you on this. You’re the new Fauci.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right —

ZELDIN: Who needs a comedian?

GUTFELD: We’ve got to move on to this very important topic. Up next, when you’re home alone, do you watch stuff? Your spouse won’t condone?


GUTFELD: What do people do in their houses when they’re there without their spouses? And would your significant other kick you in the crotch, if they knew which shows you secretly watch? A new survey of married homeowners over the age of 35, aren’t they all? Found that two thirds of them like to take advantage of alone time at home by binge-watching things on TV that their partner doesn’t like. Or put more simply, life is so boring as a married homeowner that watching what you want to watch on T.V. counts as doing something exciting. Even if it’s the Great British Bake Off instead of pornography? Or in my case, both simultaneously. To be fair, 34 percent of them did say that they like to take things further than that by making recipes that your spouse doesn’t like to eat.

TIMPF: Wait, am I supposed to know how to make recipes?

GUTFELD: Yes, Kat, you are and yes, I can hear your thoughts. The survey was conducted by one poll on behalf of the ring. Not the movie, but the doorbell, the Amazon subsidiary you pay to spy on yourself. So, this is really about selling security cameras for the home, which is kind of scary given what I do when I’m alone.

That was, that was just last night. I’m afraid, Kat, to ask what you do when you are alone. But there’s something missing from this study. We know what it is.

TIMPF: Yes. Well, there’s first of all, not everyone told the truth. Nobody’s going to write in, like, I invite someone else over and I do sex to them. Like nobody’s, nobody’s going to write like I watched, but I’m, I’m also never really alone. Like he, like my husband’s always home. So, I have to behave shamefully in front of him. Like he sometimes leaves to walk the dog but that’s like 10 minutes. So, I just like I remain seated.

GUTFELD: You remain seated?

TIMPF: That’s what I do.

GUTFELD: I don’t know what that means. Tammy? Come on. There’s something about this survey. They’re not talking about oh, they’re they’re watching this whole house. No, they’re not. They’re watching something else. You know what I’m saying Tammy?

BRUCE: Yes. And you know, you can get the cable channels now, I believe, like, give you that option. Like you can do like you’re in a hotel.


BRUCE: Like, you can choose that, and then that might come up though. Unlike at Hotel on your on your bill. There is something though that pet owners do what? Well, I have a new I have a new puppy. And the new puppy. If you were to watch Law and Order, and you hear that bomb in the beginning, she hates that.

GUTFELD: Really.

BRUCE: She hates it. And then when they, when they switch scenes, or they go to some other kind of different thing during the show, the bawling happens. She freaks out. So, when she’s at daycare, I watch Law and Order that’s all I can do.

GUTFELD: All right, that’s enough. Your dog has daycare? You dog has daycare?

BRUCE: Yes, she goes, she goes to daycare to see other dogs, to get socialized. It’s puppy university so that it’s also so that I can have some alone time.

GUTFELD: Interesting, do you have a pet because you had too much alone time? And now you say you know what, I need some space from my pet.

BRUCE: You have to balance it out. It’s like they’re there for you. You’re not there for them. Finding the balance. And besides, she wants to watch whatever she wants to watch at daycare where she’s not —

FAILLA: I just want to jump in.


FAILLA: I feel like we’re missing a key piece of information, like what can you do in front of your dog? I have a dog. I’ve done things in front of my dog that violate the Geneva Convention. And there’s my dog can talk.

BRUCE: Well, I don’t know. It’s hard to say what might happen.

TIMPF: If my cat could talk, I’d be banished from public life along time ago.

BRUCE: There you go. It’s hard to know — you’ll never know what future will bring when it comes to technology.

GUTFELD: They should just have a separate aisle at the pet shop that says these are the animals that like to watch.

BRUCE: Right, right.

GUTFELD: And then there’s another aisle of just blind animals. Just like little moles, aren’t moles blinds and bats? Like a whole thing is uh, yes, I don’t like I don’t want my pets looking at me. Well, you know, I’m doing number one, number two or number three.

Lee, I don’t know where I’m going with this. And I’m afraid because you’re a congressman and you’re running for governor that you don’t know what to say.

BRUCE: Careful. Careful.

ZELDIN: I don’t know what the fuss is about because in my in my house, my wife will watch whatever I hate while I’m there. She’ll eat whatever I hate while I’m there. So, whether I’m home or not doesn’t make much of a difference I’m actually not home alone right that often that’s a good thing because I’m on the road a lot so I actually like to see my wife and kids when, when I get home.

GUTFELD: Politician.

ZELDIN: But I’ll tell you that, as far as my wife goes, I don’t think it makes any difference.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know what —

BRUCE: She’ll make a great first lady for the state.

GUTFELD: I got to, I got to move up but the best invention ever if you live in a house with a driveway, the trip switch. Oh, that’s when any car anybody walks down your driveway. A beep goes off so you have heads up before they even get to the door.

FAILLA: Really quick pro-tip: never buy a used laptop from Greg Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: Trips. You don’t know what I, why, why — you know what, I wouldn’t sell it anyway, not to you, God-forbid.

BRUCE: You suddenly got nervous. That’s very interesting. What’s going on there?

GUTFELD: A lot, I’m afraid.

ZELDIN: More than hunters.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. All right, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.


GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Congresswoman Lee Zeldin, Tammy Bruce, Jimmy Failla, Kat Timpf. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America. I do.

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